## Friday, April 23, 2010

### Pop Quiz Time...

How much do you remember from math when you were in school? Lets have a little pop quiz, shall we?

2 + 2 =
5 x 3 =
4 - 2 =

How did you do? I imagine most of you answered correctly: 4, 15, & 2. Right?

This is how I've always understood basic concepts of math. But, if those numbers were symbolic for Type 1 Diabetes, everything gets messed up. Because sometimes 2 + 2 = 6. Or 10. Or -35. Or 1,000.

And the hardest part is I never know which it will be. I can't predict it. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Whatever the diabetes feels like throwing in my face is what we are left to deal with. I don't know how 2 + 2 can sometimes = - 465. But it does. And I'm left trying to figure out how to fix it. And, lately, I'm failing miserably!

The problem: Sydney has been running looowwww for no apparent reason for about a week now. We are talking low after low after low. We have given her upwards of 50 carbs. Turned her pump OFF. And she is still staying in the 50 and 60 range. She has had Type 1 for 2 years now. I don't believe it's a honeymoon thing. She isn't sick. She is my normal, little, sweet, Sydney apart from these lows--that creates sleepless nights--they are wearing her out. Not to mention the toll it takes on mom and dad.

It also worries me because this is exactly what happened when Syd ended up seizing. We aren't sleeping because we are up checking her all night. She will be 56. We give her 15 carbs. Then she will be 43. More carbs. Then she is 66. Then 59. Then 54. Then 62. And that is not an exaggeration! Today I picked her up from school early because her nurse couldn't get her to come up...she had given her a total of about 30 carbs, turned her pump OFF, and Syd was still 66. Right now, for example. She only got half her insulin for dinner. Her basals are turned off. She was 55. She got 15 carbs. Then she was 66. She received 15 more carbs. Keep in mind her pump is OFF. I just checked her and she is 61. We now have to wake her up and Loren is giving her 19 carbs. Syd is crying because, "I am so tired daddy. Please just let me go to sleep." It makes no sense. It boggles my mind. It breaks my heart. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

I wish there were one thing that caused crazy numbers like these. We could say, "Oh she is running low. This is the problem. This is how we fix it! BAM! Better." But Type 1 doesn't work that way and I know this is one of the reasons it frustrates me so bad. I can't fix it. I don't know how. Sure we can narrow things down. I can use my power of deductive reasoning but it's still hard. So I guess that's the point of this post.

It's. Hard.

I want to fight against it and pretend it's not there. Cover my ears and scream, "LA LA LA LA!" But, the only person that would hurt is my baby girl. So, we persevere. We tell ourselves, "It could be worse." We smile. We crack jokes. We laugh. We pretend that it's all "run of the mill diabetes crap." But, despite it all, it's hard.

Of course, I know it could be worse. I know this too shall pass. If we ride the storm long enough, eventually it will calm down. So, what can I ask of my wonderful blogging readers? I ask this...

Amy said...

Shamae....I'm so sorry you're dealing with this right now. Stupid lows. They are SO exhausting!!!!
It's just CRAZY what you're dealing with! Praying for sweet Syd!

Tammy said...

Sorry to hear she's having a hard time. We're perplexed here - son has had high numbers after being super active. Have you called her Endo? You're doing a great job monitoring her. Hang in there.

Priscilla said...

Oh Shamae. I wish I could take it all away and produce a cure right now. Unfortunately all I'm good for is to listen to you vent. ((hugs)). Wish I could do something more.

Jenn Field said...

Shamae you are such a loving and strong mother. I am so proud of you, in the little time I've gotten to know you, because I see how amazing you are with these struggles!! (we all know not everyone could do so well, even when you feel like you're not doing enough) So keep your head high, keep educating the world as well as your self, and keep fighting for a cure!! -And along the way... you're friends will be by your side to help you fly!! :) <3

Wendy said...

Sending you much love from AZ!!!! My heart is breaking...I remember the seizing story you told in V and it's freaking me out that this is happening now!!!!!

I will pray!!!!

Heidi / Jack's Pack said...

Oh, Shamae, we're going through that tonight! Jack was 53 before dinner. We gave him 25 carbs. A little while later: 61. We gave him 21 more carbs. 15 minutes later: 62. We gave 14 more carbs. Twenty minutes later: 61. He finally jumped into the 90s and has been hovering there for a while. I'm hesitant to give him more, even though it's nearly 11pm and he should be higher while he sleeps, because I want to see if all those carbs will finally hit him. I'll just stay up and keep checking him.

I can't imagine going through this for a week!!! You poor things!! You must be absolutely exhausted from the stress, worry and sleep deprivation. I really hope this ends immediately!!!

Reyna said...

OH Shamae!!! This stinks...I hope you guys were able to get her BG up last night and get a little sleep.

Sounds like Syd isn't absorbing the food she is eating. She hasn't been sick or anything? WEIRD.

I will be thinking of you. Please update us so we know that Syd is doing better.

LOVE and (((HUGS)))

R

Rachel said...

Oh man that really sucks! Poor you and poor Syd!

I wonder what's going on with her numbers! The only time that we had that problem with Tristan was when he was sick. Our biggest problem is battling highs!

Have you talked to you diabetes team about the situation? Maybe the bolus ratio or the correction ratio needs to be adjusted.

I hope that the situation gets better for you soon. Hang in there! :)

Oh I remember my first seizure and my husband totally freaking out and losing all control and I have told him one hundred times what to do . they never remember you know . Poor syd I know what she feels like it is crappy . I hope she gets off the roller coaster soon and finds out what is going on . damn lows and then the damn highs !! it really stinks omg girl I hope things straighten out soon . Love to you and your family .

Misty said...

Shamae, I'm so sorry that D is being so mean to you (and Syd) right now!! I have said a thousand times that the hardest part of D for me is that it doesn't follow the rules...and I'm a rule follower! "D..you are so grounded!"

Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU!!! XOXO MOM

thisiscaleb said...

Oh it's so true. I am a math/logic geek and despite knowing that diabetes does not add up, I still persevere with the belief that it will and it must!

But it never does. :(

I'm sorry these lows have been happening and enduring. I hope this wave passes soon.

You are a great mom with such a great attitude. Hang in there!

Casey said...

I am sorry. This stinks. Lorraine just went through this and tweeted about her experience in not giving C insulin for days.

I don't know why children seem to have this experience every so often. I can't imagine how scary this is for you as parents.

Laura said...

Oh honey - I just read this and my heart is breaking for you guys. I am so sorry this is happening! I'm so perplexed right there with you.
Nate had this issue while we were in Iowa but it was after his tummy bug. We didn't even bolus him for his meals.

I pray that this passes quickly and Syd stays safe. You guys are amazing parents - you are so blessed to have each other.

Much Love!

Meri said...

What the heck!!! All I can do is shake my head. I wish I had answers for you friend. I wish I could just say, "oh, do this!" Too bad diabetes doesn't have an instruction manual...or even cheat sheets for that matter.

((HUGS)) to you friend. Praying for a cure..walking for the cure, that is all I can do right now...but I'm doing it, for all of us.

Love ya!