Tuesday, June 30, 2009

The Unwanted Visitor

It was a normal Tuesday morning. Kids were dressed, fed, and playing barbies. Mom was dressed, fed, and checking her emails. She had a surprisingly heavy email load to respond to before getting out the door to meet a lady about starting a walk team for JDRF. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, it was pleasant. Of course this morning's description was a bit of an exaggeration. But looking back, before the visitor arrived, the morning was great. It's kind of like how people who are killed are suddenly seen as great martyrs even if their life was less than exemplary (cough cough JFK cough cough). But I don't want to get into a political debate on that issue so I will continue with my story. Just know that my morning was martyred.

Sydney and Morgan had taken their barbies into my bedroom to play. Apparently there is an ocean in there where Ariel lives. She was going on an underwater date with Prince Eric. But don't be alarmed, Sydney informed me that Eric will hold his breath the whole time and won't drown in the Pacific Bedroom Ocean.

A short time later I heard a yelp followed by the pitter-patter of running feet and it broke me out of my email trance. I thought maybe Prince Eric did not hold his breath during his date with Ariel (must have been due to the purple bikini top) and he proceeded to drown and was now on his way to the local hospital. Located west of the washer and dryer. I. Was. Wrong.

Sydney came running up to me and said, in her most dramatic voice ever, (I was surprised she didn't cry actually) "Mom there is a REALLY big spider in your room." (insert big dramatic hand gestures from Syd.) The child in me tensed up, crawled into a corner and proceeded to thumb-suck while rocking back and forth humming children's songs. The mom in me cleared my throat, stood tall, and in a shaky-trying-to-be-tough voice said, "Show me" as I picked up my weapon of choice, a size 9 1/2 white sneaker.

Sydney led me into the bedroom. Past the bed. To the dresser. She pointed at a black thing on the carpet. It wasn't moving. I proceeded to look closer and realized that this spider was a balled up piece of black string. I told Sydney this. She didn't believe me and said, "Mom it was a spider. A real spider. A black one."

I got down on my hands and knees to examine the string. In somewhat of a mocking tone I proclaim, "It's just a black string. Seriously, Sydney, I promise it is nothing to be afraid of." From my kneeling position I glance at her face and notice the blank, frightened expression staring just past my hand as she starts backing toward the door. She pointed and said, "There it is."

Not 3 inches from my hand and crawling toward it at a stalker-ish pace was a huge black spider with a white spot that looked exactly like this.


I immediately jump from my position, rattling off some "4 letter word." I don't often use profane language but there are some situations that require and curse or two or maybe three. This was one of them. I have always had a profound fear of spiders. This is beyond normal fear. I have a phobia. Being a mother has helped cure me of some of my fear. I don't burst into tears, scream, run away, and/or pass out anymore. The sight of even tiny spiders used to provoke those reactions. But I still get the shakes and may or may not puke, depending on the situation. I can handle small spiders. Not ones like in the picture above. This would prove to be a sickly, dizzy situation for me.

After the cursing (and scaring my girls) I knew I had to do something about this 8 legged monster. Last year I saw a similar spider on my wall. It wasn't moving. My girls were napping. I crawled into the lazy boy and sat there shaking while I called my husband. He was working 20 minutes away and I begged him to come home and kill it. He did. He knows my phobia of arachnids and decided it was better to have a conscious wife than an unconscious one when the kids woke up. I didn't have time to call him today because this spider was on the move. If I didn't kill it I WOULD be getting a hotel for the night until the spider was found and properly mutilated. Sorry if any of you are PETA members/supporters. **(I'm not really sorry, I was just being polite.)

I picked up the shoe (which I had thrown across the room during my profanity escapade) and walked, and prayed, toward the uninvited guest. Then I squished him. If spiders were into horror movies, my execution of this spider would have been top notch. I hit him over and over and over with all the force and fury my arm could muster. Morgan brought me a tissue and I scooped up what was left of the carcass and flushed it. Then I got sick. (No I am NOT pregnant, spiders just elicit this reaction out of me.)

I know the spider is dead but I feel it crawling on me. I feel webs. I see movements out of the corners of my eyes. I feel borderline panic attacky. (what, that's a word. :-) So here is hoping I see no more unwanted visitors. My sanity hangs on that hope. I don't know if my heart can take it.

**I did do some research last year when a similar looking spider invaded my home. It is a jumping spider and is not supposed to be poisonous. Just ugly.)

So what about you? Do you have any phobias?

16 comments:

Amy said...

SPIDERS!!! Freak. Me. Out. I've had two bad spider bites in my life and had a close call with a brown recluse before we left Tulsa (it was on my ARM!). One great thing about Alaska- NO poisonous spiders here! Too cold!

Jess said...

I too hate spiders..... and all the big ones I have encountered here on the farm fortunately have NOT been in my RV.....

I would recommend a thourough spring cleaning/spider checking session my dear.... something that BIG in your room.... I would die!!!

Kudos to you too for killing him!!! =)

Wendy said...

Ewwww....shudder, shudder, shudder...GOOD JOB MOM!!!!

You're a SUPERHERO :)

Copy and paste this link to MEET FRANK from my blog last Septemper:

http://rosefamilyaz.blogspot.com/2008/09/meet-frank.html

The Cleverleys said...

okay after reading that, I'm going to spray my house tonight! yuck! I hate spiders, especially in my house too! I found that Bugs B Gone is a GREAT way to eliminate most spiders from ever getting inside. You spray your entire outside of your house from the foundation all the way on the roof and it lasts around 3 months. It is safe once it is dry for kids to be around. It really does a great job. Also, they make safe home bombs (not exploding type haha) that are safe around kids, you just have to look hard for them. I hope you have no more experiences with those disgusting creatures!!!

periwinkle4 said...

yuck! I hate spiders too! but not as bad as you. I don't know that I have phobias. I do get shaky and sweaty around spiders but then I feel all strong and powerful once they've been taken care of. and lol about JFK.

Lynette said...

LOL I showered with one yesterday ripping the curtain down as I went screaming from the bathroom. Ask your hubby if he remembers how scared I am of the ugly things!!!!!

Michelle said...

Sorry, but I'm laughing my head off at your story. Obviously, i'm not afraid of spiders although i did refuse to hold my dd's tarantula, but i didn't make her not hold it or let it crawl around on her. i even had a pet black widow in my bedroom window well when i was growing up. always wondered what would happen in the house caught on fire and i had to escape through the window . .what would you have done? hehe

i really am sorry it scares you so much.

Becki said...

*shiver* Yuck!! And I do have to admit that I laughed just picturing the whole ordeal! LOL!!

Rachel said...

ROTFLMAO!!!! Yes I'm laughing but only because this could have been written about me. My fear is not as profound as yours but it is similar. Down the the same size weapon!! LOL I'm lucky that both my husband and I work from home so I very rarely have to deal with them. I just call him to take care of it. In my house, dead spiders are not allowed in the garbage. Even though I know they are dead, they still need to go in the toilet and it needs to be flushed!!

Great job for getting the spider. I probably would have beaten it to dead also...instead of being sick, I probably would have been crying! Yes I know, it's pathetic for a grown woman to cry over a spider..... but they creep me out!!!!! nasty little things!!!

Aubri said...

YIKES!! But I had to laugh at the way you wrote it out, lol!! You're funny.
Ya know, spiders don't scare me. When ever I see one, I smash the crap out of it in like one second, even if it's my bare hand! But I certainly have other phobias. For starters- snakes, car accidents, heights.

Jessica said...

Now my skin is crawling!! Honestly spiders don't make me nauseous...I just don't really like them. You wanna hear a good story? I was taking a shower and a HUGE spider decided to take one with me! (yes I probably should have looked before I got in) I was screaming and it was running around like crazy...I think to get away from the water. I slipped....not pretty...but it drowned. Thankfully!
Oh and today...there was a daddy long leg in my swimsuit! AAAHHH!! Creepy crawlies everywhere!

Mel said...

HEHEHE Your story is hiliarous for those of us that arent afraid of spiders. Thanks for the laugh even though I know you were not thrill w/ your visitor. Hopefully you'll be spider free from here on out.

ashycam said...

I hate spiders, but when Lorne isn't much better, so I make him be a man when he is home, but when he isn't home I have to do the dirty work. I won't clean it up though unless it is with a vacuum. I also get the feeling of webs and spiders crawling on me. I didn't really have this fear until we lived in our first apartment after we were married, and we came home to Hobo spiders most nights. That is what triggered this fear in both of us. I used to love Arachnophobia the movie, but I can't watch it anymore. AAAAHHHHH!!!! I am getting the creepy feeling just thinking about it. You were brave Shamae. Way to go. Love ya.

Dawn said...

Yeah, I hate spiders but I would rather kill them than have them running around on the loose. I often tell them that when they start paying rent I will quit killing them.

I have a niece that will not kill anything. If she sees a spider or bug of any type in the house she catches it and then releases it outside. Sorry, I am just not that kind.

Erin said...

You would think my phobias would be the typical Spider of Snake. I am afraid of those but my true phobias are Lakes and large pieces of wood. I know I am crazy. But thinking of being in a lake and not knowing what is under me FREEKS ME OUT. I also hate carrying wood because of the slight possibility of getting a SPLINTER. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

~a said...

Shamae - I didn't have 5 boys for nothing, and they might not do much else but eat me out of house and home, but they are good spider murderers! If any more spiders make an appearance just call and I'll send one over to help you out! - but PLEASE keep those spiders on YOUR side of the fence!! LOL