Are you bored with your toilet paper? Tired of using it for the same old thing, day in and day out? Has your life lost luster because every time you enter the bathroom, there’s the toilet paper, waiting flaccidly on the roll. The situation is always the same, enter room, turn on fan, zip, pull down, plop on seat, do your business, wipe, flush, wash, leave. Is your life teetering on the edge of tediousness because your toilet paper is not versatile? If the above mentioned scenario describes your relationship with the toilet paper in your home, you need to join
Sydney and Morgan’s Toilet Paper Tutorial: 5 creative ways to play with your toilet paper
Some step by step innovative lessons they will be covering this session are:
1—Toilet Paper Grenades
Wet toilet paper and launch against the wall, similar to how soldier’s disengage grenades on the battlefield. “But mom it looks like mashed potatoes!”
I had girls because I thought they were less destructive than boys…clearly I was wrong. Why oh why must they take after their mother?
2—Toilet Paper Chunkies
Who needs a towel after bath? Rub toilet paper all over body until it tears apart, leaving you covered with little toilet paper chunks. “Mom I look like a sunburn!”
No, you look like a leper. Get your fuzzy behind back in the tub!
3—Beta Fish Mishap
A whole roll of toilet paper will not soak up all the water in a fish tank. It will, however, overflow the tank, double in size, and come apart while trying to remove it. “Mom it looks like a giant marshmallow. Does our fish like to eat marshmallows?”
I’m drying that toilet paper and you are still going to use it…fish goobers on it or not. And if that fish dies because of this, it will be cooked and served as your supper.
4—Toilet Paper Derby
Secretly procure a roll of toilet paper for each participant. Line them up. Hold one end and send the other end flying toward the finish line. If it breaks, no biggie, repeat steps from the breakage point. “Mom look we are running on clouds! Sydney is dancing but I’m running!”
You had better run because when I catch up with you...
5—Toilet Paper for Food
If you are hungry and it’s in between dining times, roll some toilet paper into a ball until it resembles a marshmallow. Pop into mouth and leave it until you begin to gag. Then proceed to puke. “Mom that did not taste good.”
Well, duh. You just ate toilet paper. Think about where toilet paper usually goes and where you just put it? I bet that gives new meaning to the phrase “cotton mouth.”
The session is filling up quickly so hurry with your application. To reserve your spot in their next seminar, just share some of your kid's creative uses for toilet paper. No great idea will be turned away. **Toilet paper not provided.**
21 hours ago