Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Syd & Mo's Toilet Paper Seminar

Are you bored with your toilet paper? Tired of using it for the same old thing, day in and day out? Has your life lost luster because every time you enter the bathroom, there’s the toilet paper, waiting flaccidly on the roll. The situation is always the same, enter room, turn on fan, zip, pull down, plop on seat, do your business, wipe, flush, wash, leave. Is your life teetering on the edge of tediousness because your toilet paper is not versatile? If the above mentioned scenario describes your relationship with the toilet paper in your home, you need to join
Sydney and Morgan’s Toilet Paper Tutorial: 5 creative ways to play with your toilet paper

Some step by step innovative lessons they will be covering this session are:

1—Toilet Paper Grenades
Wet toilet paper and launch against the wall, similar to how soldier’s disengage grenades on the battlefield. “But mom it looks like mashed potatoes!”
I had girls because I thought they were less destructive than boys…clearly I was wrong. Why oh why must they take after their mother?

2—Toilet Paper Chunkies
Who needs a towel after bath? Rub toilet paper all over body until it tears apart, leaving you covered with little toilet paper chunks. “Mom I look like a sunburn!”
No, you look like a leper. Get your fuzzy behind back in the tub!

3—Beta Fish Mishap
A whole roll of toilet paper will not soak up all the water in a fish tank. It will, however, overflow the tank, double in size, and come apart while trying to remove it. “Mom it looks like a giant marshmallow. Does our fish like to eat marshmallows?”
I’m drying that toilet paper and you are still going to use it…fish goobers on it or not. And if that fish dies because of this, it will be cooked and served as your supper.

4—Toilet Paper Derby
Secretly procure a roll of toilet paper for each participant. Line them up. Hold one end and send the other end flying toward the finish line. If it breaks, no biggie, repeat steps from the breakage point. “Mom look we are running on clouds! Sydney is dancing but I’m running!”
You had better run because when I catch up with you...

5—Toilet Paper for Food
If you are hungry and it’s in between dining times, roll some toilet paper into a ball until it resembles a marshmallow. Pop into mouth and leave it until you begin to gag. Then proceed to puke. “Mom that did not taste good.”
Well, duh. You just ate toilet paper. Think about where toilet paper usually goes and where you just put it? I bet that gives new meaning to the phrase “cotton mouth.”

The session is filling up quickly so hurry with your application. To reserve your spot in their next seminar, just share some of your kid's creative uses for toilet paper. No great idea will be turned away. **Toilet paper not provided.**


Noelle said...

You are seriously hilarious! I could not stop laughing as I read about your girls toilet paper exploits. Your comments were the best though. I could see myself saying the same things- is it the "Gneiting" within us or the "mother" within us? Thanks again...I needed a good chuckle!

ashycam said...

Thanks for the laugh, I really needed it today. I can see Morgan doing all that, but I can't visualize Syd doing it. That is too funny. Glad it was you and not me, my girls may not have lived to tell the tale. I am a mean and cranky mom lately.

Misty Kesler said...

Love the T.P. stories :)

Evan and Kerri said...

Oh Shamae I miss hanging out with you! Thanks for making me smile today--that was hilarious!!!!!! I am glad to see your little girls are cute as ever, at least to those of us not cleaning TP out of the fish tank. ;)

Springer Family said...

That is too funny! It does make me feel old that my brothers are growing up. I remember when we were in Mrs. Wilson's 5th grade class and you walked home with me to hold my baby brother Kimball and now he is 15. Time sure does fly. I can't believe how big Gabe is and what a handsome young man he is. I keep think am I really 26? I don't feel that old I like to still think at times I am 17.

tulipdjc said...

LOL!!!!! Your girls are so very creative!! And I too loved your comments!!!!

The Herrigs said...

This is hysterical...you are so funny.

periwinkle4 said...

LOL! You really are hilarious! No wonder your girls are so funny!

The Lane Family said...

This was so funny!!! You write some really cute stuff and I love the cartoon!! I am still laughing as I type this!!

Amanda Panda said...

lmbo!! I am so glad my girls havent tried any of those things yet.

Megan said...

Is this true?!?!! Hillarious. You're sweet girls just seem too demure to be involved in such mischeif. Thanks for the laugh...I needed one!

Dawn said...

You should write a sitcom and call it the Adventures of Syd and Morgan.