How much do you remember from math when you were in school? Lets have a little pop quiz, shall we?
2 + 2 =
5 x 3 =
4 - 2 =
How did you do? I imagine most of you answered correctly: 4, 15, & 2. Right?
This is how I've always understood basic concepts of math. But, if those numbers were symbolic for Type 1 Diabetes, everything gets messed up. Because sometimes 2 + 2 = 6. Or 10. Or -35. Or 1,000.
And the hardest part is I never know which it will be. I can't predict it. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Whatever the diabetes feels like throwing in my face is what we are left to deal with. I don't know how 2 + 2 can sometimes = - 465. But it does. And I'm left trying to figure out how to fix it. And, lately, I'm failing miserably!
The problem: Sydney has been running looowwww for no apparent reason for about a week now. We are talking low after low after low. We have given her upwards of 50 carbs. Turned her pump OFF. And she is still staying in the 50 and 60 range. She has had Type 1 for 2 years now. I don't believe it's a honeymoon thing. She isn't sick. She is my normal, little, sweet, Sydney apart from these lows--that creates sleepless nights--they are wearing her out. Not to mention the toll it takes on mom and dad.
It also worries me because this is exactly what happened when Syd ended up seizing. We aren't sleeping because we are up checking her all night. She will be 56. We give her 15 carbs. Then she will be 43. More carbs. Then she is 66. Then 59. Then 54. Then 62. And that is not an exaggeration! Today I picked her up from school early because her nurse couldn't get her to come up...she had given her a total of about 30 carbs, turned her pump OFF, and Syd was still 66. Right now, for example. She only got half her insulin for dinner. Her basals are turned off. She was 55. She got 15 carbs. Then she was 66. She received 15 more carbs. Keep in mind her pump is OFF. I just checked her and she is 61. We now have to wake her up and Loren is giving her 19 carbs. Syd is crying because, "I am so tired daddy. Please just let me go to sleep." It makes no sense. It boggles my mind. It breaks my heart. I DON'T UNDERSTAND!
I wish there were one thing that caused crazy numbers like these. We could say, "Oh she is running low. This is the problem. This is how we fix it! BAM! Better." But Type 1 doesn't work that way and I know this is one of the reasons it frustrates me so bad. I can't fix it. I don't know how. Sure we can narrow things down. I can use my power of deductive reasoning but it's still hard. So I guess that's the point of this post.
I want to fight against it and pretend it's not there. Cover my ears and scream, "LA LA LA LA!" But, the only person that would hurt is my baby girl. So, we persevere. We tell ourselves, "It could be worse." We smile. We crack jokes. We laugh. We pretend that it's all "run of the mill diabetes crap." But, despite it all, it's hard.
Of course, I know it could be worse. I know this too shall pass. If we ride the storm long enough, eventually it will calm down. So, what can I ask of my wonderful blogging readers? I ask this...
1 week ago