Thursday, September 2, 2010

Our life revolves around...

NUMBERS! Numbers consume us. We can't go more than a couple hours without having to re-evaluate numbers.

How many carbs are in that?
How much insulin does she need?
She is low, how many carbs to bring her up to a normal range?
She is high, how much insulin to bring her down to a normal range?
Is that an ok number?
Are her numbers going up?
Or down?
Or staying the same?
Do I need to wake up to check her in an hour?
Will her numbers hold steady through the rest of the night?

Numbers. Numbers. Numbers. No wonder Syd doesn't enjoy math. Numbers are her life. Numbers are all of our life. Our life revolves around these numbers. They consume and, in a way, rule our life. I see random numbers...hymn #324 at church for example...and I think, "wow that's a high blood sugar." Then I realize, wait, I don't need to evaluate that number and give it insulin. Syd realizes this number fixation as well. We were driving about a month ago and she saw the speed limit sign, "65" and said, "Mom that would be a low blood sugar huh!" She was proud of herself and I realized just how much these numbers control how we think. 2 1/2 years ago we were forced to make changes to our life to keep Sydney healthy--changes that revolve around numbers. Now, I am sending her to 1st grade. Today was the big "1st day of school."

I have educated and discussed how school should be handled this year. I have to sound more confident than I feel. Her 504 plan meeting with her principal, teacher, school nurse, and councilor went wonderfully! However, I'm still forced to force our obsession with numbers onto her school team and hope they can manage and see its importance. I love Syd more than anyone else on the planet does and I screw up with her numbers...often. And now I'm expecting people who don't love her--but still want the best--to control numbers in order to keep Sydney healthy from 8:25 a.m.-2:49 p.m., 5 days a week.

Part of the issue is, everything affects these numbers. Her anxiety/excitement, for example, about starting 1st grade has been messing with our system! She hasn't been under 200 in over 2 days. Why? Because of her nerves. I've done site changes. I've changed reservoirs of insulin. I've done all the "normal" corrective measures. She isn't sick. So, my last conclusion is her nerves. And again, numbers are controlling us and sometimes I just can't fix it. It feels like I'm being controlled instead of me controlling them.

But, all that said, Sydney had a great 1st day of school. Sometimes I forget she is still a 6 year old little girl. When I picked her up and asked about her day she didn't focus on her 214 at morning snack or her 243 for lunch. She focused on how she did the monkey bars ALL the way across. And her new friends. And the BIG slide. And her "really nice teacher." And her classroom. And her "totally awesome 1st day!"

So, despite these numbers that seem to control me, I need to take a lesson from Miss Syd. Numbers are huge, yes, but they aren't everything. They are a small, big, part of our life. But there is so much more to us than just focusing on these numbers. It's just a good reminder, "I am more than just a diabetic-number-connoisseur-wanna-be."

Enjoy the pics from this morning as Syd ventured off to her first day of 1st grade.


Meri said...

L started first grade too. Gone ALL DAY! That is huge!!! I miss him! :( But he is having so much fun! Hooray for 1st grade! I know it is tough dealing with educating others that 200's and up happen, and we do our very best, but sometimes despite all that...the numbers do what they want to do. It takes a few weeks to get basals adjusted to the new routine. Good luck! Look at that sweet face! She is going to have a wonderful year!

Reyna said...

She looks so cute heading off to 1st grade Shamae!!! And you are sooo right. Joe knows when he is high and low...and takes great care of his "D", but he never defines his day by his #s. It is about his teacher, friends, and soccer on the playground...the way it should be.

Hope the 200s break for you soon.

Denise said...

I totally do the bg comparison with random numbers too...the other day I saw it was only 65 degrees out and I thought "I should get a juice box" or when going to a Dr appnt and the office number was 331, I instantly though of a correction bolus. Mushy D-filled brain! Ack!
Hope school goes well for you boy starts Kindy next week so hearing everyone's first day/week, etc stories has me anxious to get it over with.

Priscilla said...

LOL! Do you dream about numbers too? Funny and totally understandable. Makes me think of the is to be enjoyed not just endured. Glad Syd had a great first day! Jared came back with pretty much the same was all about recess and the fact that there s 3 of them. LOL!

phonelady said...

Okay Im dipping in here with my exp as a mom of grown children . listen they do fine and this is the hardest step besides them leaving your house for college and leaving your nest to get married this is only the first step in a long line of steps and yeah you dont stop worrying about them at all . even when they are all grown up and living with their family . Okay tears are welling up gotta go .

Tammy said...

I feel the same way about numbers, but mostly I feel that our day revolves around food. My son is 7 and can out-eat his daddy. I work hard to keep him within his set amount of carbs while giving him "good" carbs that will fill him up and last and something he likes. blah

I can't imagine the stress of trusting someone else to watch over your daughter. I've homeschooled my son since before he was dx'd.

Jenni said...

You are all so amazing! And a HUGE inspiration to me and my family!!! THank you for sharing all this with us! And look how big she is? But, in that backpack photo she looks so tiny....maybe because that backpack looks heavier than her! :) Good luck on an amazing year.....I am sure everything will go great!!!!

The Lane Family said...

You never cease to amaze me with the way you handle things and just take it in stride. It is amazing to me how those of you who are parents of T1 kids just handle it so well or so it seems to me :)

I love the pictures of her first day of school and was surprised that she had to wear a jacket. I forget how much I miss Idaho weather...and I am telling the truth!!

Wendy said...

WOW!!! Such a grown up girl!! (and Syd's doing great too)

So proud of you....GO TEAM SYDNEY!

Rachel said...

I'm glad to hear that Syd had a great first day of school! Tristan hasn't started yet.... on Tuesday. Connor is also going to preK this year :(

Tristan has started associating different numbers with what it would mean if it was his blood sugar.... our diabetic kids are growing up and learning more and more about their diabetes..... I HATE NUMBERS!!! LOL :)

Laura said...

I do the same things with the numbers - see a # and think BG.

She is so darn cute!!! Yea for 1st grade. Emma started 1st this year too!

I miss you, Friend!!! :)


Heidi / D-Tales said...

I wake up in the middle of the night, look at the clock and think the number is Jack's BG, not the time. It's SO hard not to think in terms of D. But you're right. We do need to remember that numbers aren't everything.

Syd looked SO cute on her first day 1st grade!

tiburon said...

I am so with you! I have dreams and nightmares about sugar numbers!

Where have you been my friend? I have missed you.

Syd looks super cute on her way to first grade!