Our life revolves around...

NUMBERS! Numbers consume us. We can't go more than a couple hours without having to re-evaluate numbers.

How many carbs are in that?

How much insulin does she need?
She is low, how many carbs to bring her up to a normal range?

She is high, how much insulin to bring her down to a normal range?

Is that an ok number?

Are her numbers going up?

Or down?

Or staying the same?

Do I need to wake up to check her in an hour?

Will her numbers hold steady through the rest of the night?

Numbers. Numbers. Numbers. No wonder Syd doesn't enjoy math. Numbers are her life. Numbers are all of our life. Our life revolves around these numbers. They consume and, in a way, rule our life. I see random numbers...hymn #324 at church for example...and I think, "wow that's a high blood sugar." Then I realize, wait, I don't need to evaluate that number and give it insulin. Syd realizes this number fixation as well. We were driving about a month ago and she saw the speed limit sign, "65" and said, "Mom that would be a low blood sugar huh!" She was proud of herself and I realized just how much these numbers control how we think. 2 1/2 years ago we were forced to make changes to our life to keep Sydney healthy--changes that revolve around numbers. Now, I am sending her to 1st grade. Today was the big "1st day of school."

I have educated and discussed how school should be handled this year. I have to sound more confident than I feel. Her 504 plan meeting with her principal, teacher, school nurse, and councilor went wonderfully! However, I'm still forced to force our obsession with numbers onto her school team and hope they can manage and see its importance. I love Syd more than anyone else on the planet does and I screw up with her numbers...often. And now I'm expecting people who don't love her--but still want the best--to control numbers in order to keep Sydney healthy from 8:25 a.m.-2:49 p.m., 5 days a week.

Part of the issue is, everything affects these numbers. Her anxiety/excitement, for example, about starting 1st grade has been messing with our system! She hasn't been under 200 in over 2 days. Why? Because of her nerves. I've done site changes. I've changed reservoirs of insulin. I've done all the "normal" corrective measures. She isn't sick. So, my last conclusion is her nerves. And again, numbers are controlling us and sometimes I just can't fix it. It feels like I'm being controlled instead of me controlling them.

But, all that said, Sydney had a great 1st day of school. Sometimes I forget she is still a 6 year old little girl. When I picked her up and asked about her day she didn't focus on her 214 at morning snack or her 243 for lunch. She focused on how she did the monkey bars ALL the way across. And her new friends. And the BIG slide. And her "really nice teacher." And her classroom. And her "totally awesome 1st day!"

So, despite these numbers that seem to control me, I need to take a lesson from Miss Syd. Numbers are huge, yes, but they aren't everything. They are a small, big, part of our life. But there is so much more to us than just focusing on these numbers. It's just a good reminder, "I am more than just a diabetic-number-connoisseur-wanna-be."

Enjoy the pics from this morning as Syd ventured off to her first day of 1st grade.